Flood Warning

I've been holding something in for some time now and I know I did the wrong thing because I feel as if I might burst out with a flood of sensitivity and woe. Hopefully by writing it down, I will only deflate the subject and result in contentedness. Part of me held it in because it's something I despise talking about. Also, I don't like to announce things to the world unless they are absolutely certain, thanks to experiences when spilling the beans too early left me a messy clean up. I am going to take a huge leap of courage by publicly sharing this in hopes that I'll 1) feel better. 2) send messages to the Universe that I really am okay with it (I know that sounds hokey). And 3) realize I'm not alone. Prepare yourself for excruciating honesty.

I was born the 5th and last child of a middle-class family. I was average height, weight, head circumfrerence, and whatever other measurements newborns have taken. I grew into a normal toddler, doing normal toddler activities. I tried soccer, piano, dance, singing, painting, swimming and many other skills I was always just mediocre at; maybe scoring 2 or 3 goals in a soccer season and missing only a couple of notes at a recital. I got mostly B's in school, I had a small group of friends, I did what I was told and rarely ever broke the rules. I was shy, but not painfully. I graduated high school right on track, no AP or Honors classes. I've never been fat, and I've never been skinny. When I turned 16 I went on dates, I kissed boys, I had little boyfriends. I made the tennis team my sophomore year, but not my junior. I read my scriptures, said my prayers, and went to church faithfully. I got a 24 on the ACT and had a 3.7 GPA. I didn't get into BYU and ended up going to my first choice, USU, for 2 years. I didn't get into programs, didn't get jobs, didn't get dates, that I wanted to but also had great church callings, made a best friend, got an A in math, and by far had the cutest decorated apartment. I now live at home, at least for the summer. I'm transferring schools to study Art at UVU. The 3 weeks that I have been home I have not found a job for a reason beyond me. I'm not quite sure what all of this means or how parts of it relate. Mostly I think I've always been average, common, typical, or any other word that describes the color white.

Now that I'm growing up (not old) I see life. I can see that those par things I have experienced formed and are forming who I am. I know I can't be the best at everything, so that I can benefit from others' gifts. I am anything but ordinary.